Admission of True Feelings

After our meeting at the lake I sent P an email the next day just to be sure that he understood that I didn't WANT to stop seeing him. This is the email that I sent him:

"Hey, hope you had a nice, restful weekend. Mine was pretty boring.Never even left the house Sunday but that was kinda nice. After C called me and hung up on me Wednesday night on the way home I don't think that he said ten words to me till Thursday afternoon. At least it was quiet in the house! Don't understand why he thinks that him treating me that way would make me want to be anywhere near him. Guess I just expect too much?
I hope that you did not get the wrong idea when we were talking right before I left Wednesday. I definitely do not want to stop seeing you but I know that at least for your sake that I should stop seeing you regardless of how I feel. I feel so incredibly selfish for wanting to see you when I know that you are married and what you are risking when you see me. I apologize for being so selfish and I really don't want you to think that I try to make things hard for you and I am sorry if I have. I tried for years in the past every time that you would call me or come by and you would try to get me to call you or meet you to just tell you "no" and convince myself that I didn't want to see you when I knew that I was really lying to myself. For several years I believed that I never would talk to you or see you again but after JM called me after I went back to work at ---- I wondered if he would tell you and I wondered if you would call. I wanted you to call. Several months before that I had tried to find you through the Internet. When I did find you and I saw RB listed as a family member and saw that you still had the same address I would not allow myself to contact you. I knew that you had moved on and had forgotten about me and I did not want to cause any trouble in your life if you were happy. But you contacted me anyway even though you knew that I was married and you told me that you had not been married long when you called. You insisted that I write your number down before we hung up. I still can't believe that you actually thought that I would not recognize your voice! Maybe JM's but never yours! I looked at that number every day and fought with myself to not call. Then when you called back again I knew that you wanted to talk me as much as I wanted to talk to you.
At first I thought maybe we would get together a few times and that would be it but neither one of us has really wanted to stop seeing each other. I can't believe that it has been well over a year now. It doesn't seem like it because I have enjoyed the times that we have had together but I know that this could end anytime and I truthfully don't want it to. A while back I started crying when we were together but I never would tell you why. Maybe because RB had called that day or maybe because I was worried a little about what was going on with me physically ,I just began to think that that day or any other day that I see you might be the last time that I see you. Yeah, I have tried to tell myself that I don't care and that it is no big deal but when we didn't talk for awhile a few months ago there was no way that I could argue with myself anymore, it does matter whether I want to admit it or not. I was not sure if I wanted to send this to you or not but you have always been a good friend to me (in addition to an amazing lover!) and I have always tried to be honest with you and you always make me feel open to tell you anything so I hope you are not too upset with me.Maybe all I am trying to say is that I missed you when I didn't hear from you for those years and I don't want to feel that way again.Just remember it is your own fault for spoiling me! Hope this wasn't too much for you. Can't help it that I am female. See you soon."



He read this email later that evening and he sent me a text immediately after reading it asking me to call him around 10:45pm. C was at home so I couldn't call him as much as I wanted to hear his response. I sent him a text back to call me the next morning. Yeah, I was a nervous wreck not knowing what reaction he had had to the email. Didn't hear from him the next morning even after sending him a text telling him to give me a call at work. Then I got really nervous. I sent him a text that afternoon asking if he was mad at me. He called me within half an hour and asked me first why I always think that he is upset or mad at me when he doesn't return my call quickly. I responded that I was afraid that he might be upset about the email. He said that he wasn't, just that he had been busy and hadn't been able to call. He never actually brought up the things that I had said in the email or how he felt in response. Things however did change for the better from that day on.

After that day he really began to be more attentive and responsive. Ordinarily if I sent him a text asking if he was busy (meaning is he working or free to talk) he would not usually respond if he was busy. That following Saturday I was in the mood to talk and could have been talked into some phone sex and I sent him a text asking if he was busy. It took him awhile to respond but within an hour he responded "yes." No biggie for most people but it meant alot to me for him to take time to text me back while he was busy working.

C's birthday was on Monday. He and his brother had had a disagreement the day before and I was afraid that he would not show up for C's birthday dinner and this would have been a repeat of last years celebration. Not pleasant for anyone involved. I had called C's brother the night before to tell him what C wanted for his birthday since their plans got messed up for that day and C was irritated at his brother. Well, when I began telling C's brother what he wanted for his birthday he began bashing his brother. Called him selfish, hard to please, and said that he acts like a three year old kid if he doesn't get what he wants. All of this is true about C and silly me, I chimed in. The old saying that blood is thicker than water must be true. C calls me at work on Monday and says to me "I think we have a problem." My heart starts pounding not knowing exactly what it is that we have a problem with. He proceeds to tell me that his brother has called him and told him everything that I had said about him behind his back. Does he mention that he is the one who started the bashing or any of the things that he had said? Well hell no!

Getting Spoiled

Sorry I haven't posted anything in awhile. Have tried to be more careful since C almost found out about my blog, affair, etc. through my carelessness at the computer. C has been somewhat better to me over the last few weeks so that has further added to my state of ultimate confusion. He even bought me a gift the other day for no reason. When I told a friend of mine about this, his first response was "well, what did he buy for himself?" Sadly he was correct. C didn't buy anything expensive for himself but yes he did buy something for himself that was more expensive than what he bought for me. I guess nothing new but I hate to sound ungrateful.

To get you caught up to speed, I have seen P twice since my last post. Seems like he wants to see me more often the longer this goes on. Does he feel any differently about me or has his lust just increased? Last week he gives me a call out of the blue and asks if I can get away that evening. I sift through my mind to come up with something that sounds somewhat feasible and tell him that I think that I can. He wants to know for sure because he wants to hook up his camper and have me meet him at his favorite place in the world, a lake about an hour North of here. The only bad thing about the location is that the drive time cuts into the time that we can spend together but it is almost worth it to have that kind of seclusion surrounded by that kind of beauty. Of course the ride up there always seems to take forever but as I rounded the last corner on that dirt road and saw that view it was so worth the trip, not to mention what "view" I knew I would be enjoying later.

He had just arrived when I pulled up and he had me park at the site next to his and told me that I could go on in if I wanted to while he got everything set up. I went in and I could tell that he had had the air conditioning running during the trip up which is about two hours for him. Sat down on the couch and stretched out my legs and realized how happy and content that I felt sitting there waiting for him. He finally gets everything set up and comes in and takes off his shirt and boots and grabs us a couple of beers from the cooler and sits down next to me. Then he informs me that he can't locate RB and is afraid that she might be on her way up. Great! I don't think that the more the merrier applies in this situation! He finally gets in touch with her at the house and asks her to remind him to bring something back up with him when they return the next day together.

After confirming that we are alone and should (hopefully) stay alone he stands up in front of me, leans over and kisses me. Once again this instantly gets me hot and wet. How is it that he has this effect and no one else ever has? He pulls me closer to him as I am still sitting and puts his knee on the edge of the couch against my aching pussy. He feels me push against him and leans down and unbuttons my jeans and pulls then off. He immediately kneels down and licks around my wet pussy with his warm, wet tongue. He tells me that he has waited all day for that and hearing him say that just gets me that much hotter. He stands up and lets his pants drop to the floor. I see that I am not the only one excited as I grab for his cock, now rock hard and lick the juice from his head. He moans and grabs my hair pulling my mouth farther down on his shaft. He asks me if I want to feel his cock inside me. I smile and say of course. He tells me that I have to cum, twice, before I can have it. I think to myself, he will never make it that long.

He motions for me to sit on my knees on the couch facing the back of the couch and he stands up behind me. He asks me if I had remembered to bring the anal lube and he gets the bottle out along with a toy that I had brought along.I cannot see what he is doing behind me but I hear the sound of the vibrator coming closer to me. He says to me "you like it when I play with you, don't you" and I reply that I love it when he plays with me. He opens the bottle of lube and begins to slather it onto his thick cock. Now, we have tried this several times without much success, I think in part due to his size. I purchased this special "booty" lube hoping for an easier entry this time. From the position that we are in, I can tell that this is not going to be easy since I can feel myself tensing up. I suggest we move to the bed and I lay on my stomach. Well, the lube helps some. We made it farther than we have previously but he can only make it so far in before the pain is just to much for me to have any pleasure from this so he stops. I tell him that I want this to happen and he tells me that he does too but that he doesn't want to hurt me and that it all feels good to him so we resign ourselves to try again later. He slides me to the back edge of the bed and stands behind me again. Teasingly he glides the head of his cock across my slick pussy. I push back against him and he slides in easily. I tell him that I don't believe that he is going to hold up to his earlier demand and he simply moans no. He begins to fuck me hard and fast, so fast that at one point I had to request that he slow down. Don't know why but in that position going at it that hard and fast makes me feel like my bladder will explode or something? Anyway after he slows down it starts to really feel good. I ask him if he is going to cum and a few seconds later he yells that he is cumming and then pulls out and I can feel his hot, thick cum spewing onto the small of my back. He falls down onto the bed next to me for a moment before he gets up and gets a towel to clean up his "mess". He is always the one that cleans me up after we have made love. For some reason, I think that is the sweetest,most thoughtful thing. C never has done that. I am always the one who gets up, gets a towel and cleans both of us up afterwards.

We get up and walk through the kitchen area and he climbs up into the bed area in the upper berth. I am looking up at him and he tells me how much he likes being up there. Looking out the window at the scenery and how comfortable the mattress is up there. He asks me to go up and join him. We lay there until after dark, just talking. Talking and laughing about everything and nothing. I am rubbing his back the whole time. He asks me why RB never rubs his back. He tells me that he rubs hers but she only returns the favor for a moment. He asks why she can't be like me. I tell him that he has just never had a woman spoil him. He tells me that RB came close but not enough to keep him from straying but that this (the back rub, I guess?) might do it for him but says that if we ever wind up together that this (the back rubs and such) probably wouldn't continue. I assure him that they would. And they would, as long as I have loved him and waited to be with him. I like to believe that I would be thankful for every day with him. He tells me that he had rather have the back rub than have a blow job. He asks me if I treated JM like that and I reply that I did until he treated me so badly that I hated him. P just says "that stupid MF!" (I guess for treating me that way and losing me?) He tells me things that I know he has not told anyone else, not even his friends and he does that because he knows that I will not judge him and we even laugh about some things that RB would probably bitch about. He tells me that she loves him (it has been awhile now since he has mentioned that he loves her) no matter what, unconditionally. I would argue that point with him but he has told me before that she just "thinks" that she knows him, kinda like my situation.

He leans over and kisses me again. I know that he has recovered from our earlier tryst and is ready to go again. But I am honestly concerned about the spot we are in. He is a big guy and there is not much room up there in the bunk. He decides to try it anyway and climbs on top of me. Begins to slowly, smoothly make love to me. Holds me tight. Gives me everything that he has. We are both burning up due to the lack of fresh air in that small area and we are both sweaty, stuck together but we are having a good time nonetheless. After he cums we climb down the ladder to breathe in some fresh air. For a big,rough,tough guy he sure is kind to me. He goes down the rickety ladder first and then helped me down, making sure that my feet were on each rung securely since it was pitch black dark in the camper by the time we got down.

We sat around awhile. I laid on the couch naked with a beer resting on my belly. More comfortable and relaxed than I had been in years. He sat down at his laptop to read my latest erotica story inspired by him. He tells me again how good of a writer that I am and how much he enjoys it when I email him stories like that. I go and stand behind him, casually rubbing his shoulders and scratching his back, looking over his shoulder at some things that he has been shopping for. I begin to realize that as much I would love to stay that it is getting late now and I really should go. I tell him that I have to go and he asks if I would like a shower first. He realizes that an entire bottle of shampoo has spilled on the floor of the shower making it treacherous. He cleans all of that while I sit behind him on the bed admiring his ass. He sets the water just the way he knows that I like it and gets a towel for me. Too bad that there is not room for two! I shower and reluctantly get dressed. He slides on his jeans to walk me out. I say to him that I really shouldn't be seeing him. He replies that anytime that I want to stop and us just remain friends to just let him know. Both of us know that this is not what either of us really want. We walk to the car and he opens the door for me, gives me a hug (reminds me that there are other people here watching) and tells me to be careful driving home. As I start up the gravel road the tears begin to fall. I decide to wait till I am about thirty minutes from home to call C so my timing will be about right to have been driving back from town. Well, he calls me first. First thing that he asks is " when the hell is my wife coming home?" I gave some reply and he hung up on me. I didn't bother to call him back. I called P to tell him what had just happened while contemplating turning around and going back to spend the night with P in the camper. Why would I want to go home and deal with C when he is acting like this? Finally got through to P (reception sucks up there!) and he tells me that he has just laid down, making that u-turn that much more tempting. I tell him what C calls and says to me before he hangs up. Before I lost contact with him all I hear him say is "Tell him..." and then I lose him. Guess I will always wonder what he was going to have me to tell him....

Will post about our next rendezvous next time.