The Last Time?

So we continued to get closer over the next few weeks. P called me and sent me texts more often. I felt like maybe he had a better understanding of where I was coming from. I had tried to be the NSA "friend with benefits" but I just could not do it. He had meant too much to me over the years and denying my feelings was not changing them.

I was leaving work one day the next week and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked and it was P. Strange for him to call me this late in the day.He told me that he was on his way back from a job and had become too tired to drive anymore so he had stopped for the night in the next state over. When I asked him what he was doing he said that he was hot when he got in so he was lying on the bed at the hotel naked. So then I thought I know where this is headed. We had never had phone sex but I had always wanted to but when I had called for that in the past he always had one of his workers in the room with him. When we start talking I realize that that is exactly what he has on his mind. He tells me that he had been reading one of his friend's magazines and in it they we giving advice on having anal sex and how to make it easier. I tell him that I definitely had not given up on that. He begins to tell me how hard he was and how much he wanted me. I told him that I wished I was there and he said that he wished I was there too. Then he realizes that I am off work the following day and begins to try to talk me into going to stay with him. Soooo tempting! Then he mentions that his anniversary was that weekend. He had asked RB to meet him but she had so much going on at work that she had told him that she couldn't meet him. So we are talking about what we would be doing if I were in the room with him when RB calls on the other line and he has to go.

He calls me back and tells me that her call ruined the mood. Strange thing to say about your wife, don't you think? Anyway, I take him back to thoughts of me being in the room with him and he is quickly in the mood again. He then starts to tell me what he would like to do with me if were there. His vivid description gets me so hot that I wind up pulling over into the far end of a parking lot since my mind is not on driving anyway. I happened to have one of my toys with me so it was not long before we were both cumming. I tend to be very vocal during sex and I think that this gets him off as much as anything. He tells me that he wishes that I was there to lick the cum off of his belly. I laugh and tell him that it would not be on his belly if I were there. Then C starts calling me like crazy so I have to let him go.

C has been hounding me all day about my plans for the evening but never would tell me why that was so important to him. I had been having some digestive issues (likely stress induced) so I told him that if his plans involved food that I probably would not enjoy it as much as usual. When I walked in the door at my house, all of the lights were out and I could hear soothing piano music. Walking through the house I am stepping on artificial flower petals. Not seeing C anywhere I walk all the way through the house back to the master bathroom. He is standing there next to the filled jacuzzi tub with a cold drink in hand for me. There are candles lit all around the tub. OK, I am human. I feel like S#%* at this moment. He had kept the bath water warm for me while I was having phone sex with P. Yea, even in my mind I feel guilty. He tells me that he knows that I have been stressed lately and he thought that this might relax me. I become nervous thinking that he is going to join me and expect something in return for his kind gesture. C then tells me that he is going out for awhile so that I can have some relaxing time alone. Whew!
After he leaves I sink into the tub, pop the top on my drink and cut the jets on. Even the jets cannot relax me at this point. I am in such a funk that I cannot even relax and enjoy this. Feeling obligated I sit in the tub for ten or so minutes then I get out, get dried off and put on something comfy. Sitting in my recliner, I begin to cry. Out of guilt, shame, bitterness, loneliness, and discouragement. I just sit there in the chair until C returns home. He asks if I enjoyed my bath and I tell him that I did and that it was very sweet of him to do that for me. He looks at me and says "but?" He knows that something is wrong and then I am mad at myself for not wearing a better mask. SO, here we go again with the "discussion" of whether I want to be with him or not, if I still love him or not, etc. etc. etc. He says some pretty nasty things to me (as usual) and the discussion escalates and I wind up feeling that our relationship is hopeless. I am feeling trapped. I want to go spend the night with P. I send him a text asking him if RB is coming down for the night. Well, she has decided to join him after all. So much for that plan! I still cannot stand to sit here with C. I tell him that I am going out for a drive and he doesn't want me to go because it is getting later and he tells me that he is worried about my safety. I tell him that I am leaving anyway and walk out the door. I drive to P's business and sit in the parking lot (it is back off the road and quiet) . I call a girlfriend and cry on her shoulder for awhile. I send P a text and asked if I could call him before I called the girlfriend and when I tried to call him back a couple of times later, he did not answer. I knew that she had not had time to drive there yet so I thought that maybe he had fallen asleep. C sent me a text asking if I was OK and asking me to please come back home. I did a short time after that and before I went to bed I checked my cell and yes, I had missed P's call.

Two nights later while I was having dinner with friends my cell rang and I did not recognize the number. P is the only person with the number to that phone. The person who had called left me a voice mail. It was RB. She wanted me to call her. I didn't really know what to do. She continued to call frequently and then sent me a text that we needed to talk. So, reluctantly, I finally called her. P answered her phone and told me that he guessed that we could not talk to each other anymore because it upsets her. This lets me know that all she knows is that we have been talking, nothing else. We talk for a moment and she finally asks to talk to me. She asks why we have been talking, tells me that he was supposed to tell me that he would never talk to me again but that it not what he told me, etc. etc. The conversation ends pretty uneventfully all things considered. I hang up and begin to sob intensely. I feel as if someone that I love has been suddenly taken away from me. And he has.