Well, folks, we all knew that this day would come. The proverbial poop hit the fan last weekend. C now knows about my relationship with P. How did he find out? My dumb ass went out with a girlfriend last week for dinner, had a few drinks and did not realize that my cell phone was still on after I had tried to call C and see how close he was to home. I was sharing some details about my latest tryst with P (details to come!) and I thought that I had hung up my phone. Guess not! Big oops! He did not bring it up for a couple of days but how do I deny what he heard me say with his own ears?
Yes, I feel bad. I feel guilty. I feel sad. I am sorry that I hurt C. But in a strange way, I am relieved. I am a person who values honesty and for me to have "lived a lie" for this long has recked havoc on my nerves. I honestly believe that if I would promise C that I would never see P again and told him that I still wanted to be with him and work our marriage out, that he would agree to it. After the "unforgivable sin" that I have committed. After I ruined our marriage and broke up our "happy home." Everyone tells me that the only reason that he wants to stay with me is because of my recent inheritance. I really don't want to believe this about the man that I have been with for about thirteen years now but I really cannot understand why he would still want to stay with me after this. No, he still has no job and no place to go. Yes, I did ask him if he had a job and a place to go, would he still want to stay. He replied that he would miss me so much that he just wants to work things out. Really in my heart I just feel like it is over. But how to tell someone that who is crying and telling you how much they love you and that all they want to do is share their life with you?
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2 comments:
It's very, very difficult. Been there, done that, got the order of protection.
It's more like he's kind of latched on to you. He hasn't worked in a while, doesn't appear to do much that's productive - on that level alone it's appealing for him to stay with you.
In the case of my ex, she was more enamored of the idea of being married than with the actual husband she married. Her feelings were so terribly repressed, a team of psychoanalysts could work on her for months without making a breakthrough. In the end, she was more afraid of what her parents would think when they learned I wanted a divorce. She became more and more unstable, and I failed to see the signs until it was too late.
The point is, he can tell you until he's blue in the face that he loves you and thinks you're the most important person in the world to him. But what, exactly, has he done to actually show that? To truly make you feel loved, and for more than your bank balance?
In my own opinion, your marriage has been dead for some time now. You just never got around to getting the death certificate.
Does this make any sense to you? Do you agree?
Good to hear from you again.Oh yes, I do agree. It all makes perfect sense to me now.I especially agree that he too is more in love with the idea of marraige than he is actually in love with me.No, I don't believe that he can see this either.
I do need to see some proof that he thinks that I am the most important person in the world to him. Honestly, he continues to prove that HE is the most important person in the world to him and tries to verbally berate me to maintain that position. And I am tired of it.Maybe the death certificate has arrived?
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