MORE OPTIONS

Anyway, I am still trying to be logical and realistic about my decision but my female brain cannot seem to process information without factoring in emotion. Someone told me that it is not my fault. He says that it comes standard issue with the installation of a vagina! I know that's right!

So on to more options. Today, boys and girls, we will be considering the pros and cons of a) ending my relationship with both C and P and making a go of it on my own OR b) ending my marriage with C and continuing to see P when I can.

Ending my relationship with both C and P and going it alone:
Pros-

1) No feeling tied down with C

2) No feeling guilty for being with P and fearing that I will be the cause of his marriage ending

3) Freedom to do what I want to do, when I want to do it

4) Not financially responsible for anyone except myself

5) Not thinking about RB coming around and trying to cause problems in my life for revenge

Cons-

1) Fear of being lonely

2) Honestly seems like the toughest option. Probably the healthiest option for my well being but still seems like the hardest.

3) I know that I would miss P like hell

4) No one to help me out around the house, help me if I am sick, etc. (yeah, I know these are selfish things but things I think of nonetheless)

5)Would have to divide up possessions, go through another divorce, split up my dogs, etc

6) No one to enjoy a "roll in the hay" with

7) Again, feeling guilty that I have destroyed C's life

8) Fear that I gave up on my marriage and things could have possibly been worked out and we could have been happy together in time

And the final option, ending my marriage to C and continuing to see P when I can-

Pros-

1) Would be free from feeling manipulated and controlled by C

2) Would be free to go where I want to, when I want to

3) P says that he would spend more time with me if C were out of the picture.

4) I know that the sex (when I could see P)would be satisfying

5) Again, would only be financially responsible for myself

6) Would be free from the verbal abuse

Cons-

1)Fear of feeling that I had made a mistake in ending my marriage

2) Again, feeling that I have "ruined" C's life

3) Knowing that P says that he will continue to stay with RB and this means that I will not ever have a public relationship with him. I would be alone on the holidays,etc.

4) Fear of being alone


So I started this post a few months ago and just today finished it. I guess that I have just been in denial and avoiding (still!) any decision making. I have felt more or less stuck in limbo since my Mom passed away but in my heart I know that she would not even want to see me living this way.
Things are still somewhat the same. More details in my next new post. Hope all of my fellow bloggers have been doing well! I have some catching up to do. Thanks to all of you that have left comments. Each one of you have helped me to look at this situation differently than what my limited perspective will allow.